Mormons Rock

December 11, 2007

Disturbing

Filed under: life — by steffielynn @ 11:19 pm

I’m so very upset right now.  This has nothing to do with religion or politics.  

Sunday night my children and I got home from church.  There were 4 messages on my answering machine.  I pushed play and I was completely horrified at what I heard. 

 A boy from my daughters class (a 10 year old mind you)  was yelling into the phone.  He said “i’m going to kill you, your stupid, I hate you”, and then a bunch more but I could not understand, and then 3 more messages in like manner.  I’m going to beat you up, your ugly…your a B****h. 

I was sick and in shock.  My daughter is about the sweetiest child in the world.  She is caring and loving and so very compassionate.   The poor thing heard all of it.  She was so hurt, and of course I was pissed, and then worried.

The next day, (yesterday)  I called the school first thing in the morning to ask what I should do.  The principal informed me that there was nothing she could do and I would have to speak to the school cop (SOR), oh but he will be gone for a week.  This lady was so rude to me you would think I had been the one threatning somebody!  So I hung up the phone and called the local police Dept.  An officer was at my house within the hour.  I played the messages for him and he called his “superiors” who told him they were taking this as a “serious threat”.  He left and went to the school.  At 2pm the principle called me (because I had left a message that I wanted a follow up with her)  and told me the officer had come by.  I asked her if he or she had spoken to this child.  She said she could not tell me.  I was getting REALLY upset with this women.  But when I get upset I cry, and I become a blubbering idiot.  I asked her why, and why nothing was being done.  She told me because it did not happen at school it had nothing to do with her.  I asked her what she would do if someone from her childs class called and said they were going to kill HER child.  She said her child would know that they would need to stand up for themselves, and if something was going on to tell the “proper authorities”  And all the children at $%&%&*  Elementary were taught this.  I was totally discusted.  My child’s life was threatened.  The only time she sees this boy is at school.  The principal also said that she would NOT move either child from the class (and I did not even ASK her to, or mention this as an option) 

So what do I do?  what action can I take.  I’m pissed that a little boy can do this to a child and the school will do NOTHING about it! 

We all watch the news.  We all see what kids are capable of.  And we are all told to watch for warning signs.  Well I think a message stating “I going to KILL you” is a pretty clear warning!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  😦

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27 Comments »

  1. You did the right thing by calling the principal and the cops. It sounds like the police are concerned. It’s hard to believe that the principal didn’t have any suggestions.

    Is calling this boy’s parents an option?

    Comment by SkiUtah — December 11, 2007 @ 11:51 pm |Reply

  2. Ski Utah,
    The police have been awesome! I did call the mother, and she was shocked, and did not think he would do something like this. She seemed to be in denial, “oh no, not my kid” But the Detective is going to the school and his house tomorrow.

    I’m suprised that the principal has acted the way she has! I expected her to do SOMETHING, It’s actually much worse then it sounds. I feel like I am in the twilight zone. My kids have not been in school for 2 days. And I don’t know if or when I should let them go back.

    The thing that really gets to me is that I actually thought my kids were safe at school. Now I know they are not. It’ scary!

    Comment by steffielynn — December 12, 2007 @ 12:02 am |Reply

  3. Hey Steph,
    I don’t really have any words of wisdom but don’t forget that the principal does have a boss too – the school board.

    Comment by Ron — December 12, 2007 @ 12:07 am |Reply

  4. Thanks Ron,
    I called them and they backed her up. They said they will advise the teacher to keep them (the boy and my daughter) away from each other. I think that is crazy. So now the teacher needs to police her class!

    Comment by steffielynn — December 12, 2007 @ 12:11 am |Reply

  5. Shiz knows that a restraining order for kids is possible. This would also force one of the kids involved to be moved. In some states, if a restraining order on the kid is violated, the cops can go after the parents. Something to consider if this is not resolved in a better manner.

    I am Shiz

    Comment by Shiz — December 12, 2007 @ 12:50 am |Reply

  6. I can’t believe it, but I’m going to agree with Shiz. I would immediately seek a restraining order based on the threat of violence. Once the restraining order is served on the parents and the school it could require the school to take some action. I think you should continue to work with the police, that’s the best route to get help, and they will be the ones to enforce any restraining order you may get.

    Sad as it is, the principal (who clearly needs a compassion transplant) is probably correct that since the behavior occurred outside of school, it’s not a school issue, unless you make it one by requesting that your child not have any classes or contact with this boy. The school could still deny the request if it is unworkable, but they may be required to obey a restraining order. Good luck with this Steff. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be.

    Comment by MCQ — December 12, 2007 @ 1:27 am |Reply

  7. In addition to the restraining order, you might also consider having the kid’s parents listen to a copy (keep the original tucked away safely so no one can destroy it) so that they can’t stay in denial. I know I’d have a tough time believing it if someone accused my kid of this, but if shown the evidence, I’d be absolutely change my tune and be sure to deal with it. Even if they don’t, you’ve shown the incontrovertible evidence.

    Comment by Non-Arab Arab — December 12, 2007 @ 2:10 am |Reply

  8. Thanks everyone for all your support! It’s just such a scary world sometimes. My home teacher is flippin awesome and he is going to give her a blessing tonight. I think I am going to take them (i’ve kept both my kids out) to school tomorrow. Kelsey’s teacher emailed me and asked if I would come to the class and help out, and that should make me feel a little better….maybe.

    Please keep us in your prayers 🙂

    And if you have any other opinions or advice I’d like to here them!

    P.s. Shiz, you brought up a good point and now I know you are sort of normal! 🙂 Thanks 🙂 and sorry I threatened to delete you before… 🙂

    Comment by steffielynn — December 12, 2007 @ 2:33 am |Reply

  9. Shiz cannot be deleted, only his essence can be altered 🙂

    I am Shiz

    Comment by Shiz — December 12, 2007 @ 4:55 am |Reply

  10. Well, the fellow blogger and human being in me wants to simply say I’m sorry to hear about your troubles and wish you the best. And I do so.

    But the lawyer in me is thinking it would be helpful if you clarify for yourself what exactly it is that you would like to have happen here and what you are willing to do to accomplish it.

    Comment by Seth R. — December 12, 2007 @ 5:38 am |Reply

  11. Call me crazy, but I’m starting to really dig Shiz. I think he’s an acquired taste.

    Comment by MCQ — December 12, 2007 @ 8:18 am |Reply

  12. Hi Steph,
    Just a quick note after reading all of these posts -and being the father of a preteen. Is it possible that the boy was just upset and made a bad judgment call and said somethings that was in bad taste and hurtful and didn’t realize what kind of impact his words could have? Sometimes young ones say things and don’t think. I am just trying to look at the other side of the coin.

    Comment by Ron — December 12, 2007 @ 1:33 pm |Reply

  13. If that kid comes to their school to kill her and kills other kids in the process would they then care? I hate the TN school systems. I can’t believe they wouldn’t do anything about it. They’ll paddle, but won’t prevent bad behavior or bullying? WHAT the??????

    Comment by Sandy — December 12, 2007 @ 3:32 pm |Reply

  14. Talk with the police about the possibility of a restraining order.

    Also, I was a school teacher and worked in educational publishing for years. I don’t like this suggestion as a first step, but if nothing else is working call the school board back and explain that you just can’t send your daughter back into a class with a boy who has threatened to kill her. Tell them that you want to meet with one of them and the principal and the teacher so you can play the messages for them – so they can hear how disturbing the situation is. Tell them that if the boy is not moved to a different classroom, at the very least, you will contact the local newspaper, play the messages for them and ask them to tell the community, without naming names, about the district’s lack of commitment to safety. They answer to the public, and a sincere threat to go public usually scares the pants off of them.

    Comment by Ray — December 12, 2007 @ 3:43 pm |Reply

  15. So this morning was awkward!

    I went in to school and his mother was there. She was really really nice and really apologetic. She said she talked to her son and he said it was a joke. I told her she would see how I felt about it if she would listen to the messages. I told her that I did make a police report but I was not planning on filing charges. I told her that I was really upset with the principal and how she handled it.

    So because she is so nice I feel bad. I do think it was a joke, although cruel and hurtful. But what is a parent to do? Especially these days, when kids really do go to school or malls and kill people. I wish you all could hear these messages, you could really see how disturbing it really is.

    Seth,
    I’m really trying to figure out what I want to do. I’ve been thinking about pulling both my kids out and home schooling them. I’ve thought about taking this to the news, my main thing now is not the boy, but the fact that when I felt my daughter was in danger, and I contacted the school they said there is nothing they could do. This is just as disturbing as the messages.

    I called the school Monday morning at 8am. The Principal said …nothing I can do, my school is safe.

    I was left feeling very unsure. I figured she would take care of it and was just not telling me. But what I found out is that she had knowledge that a threat was made on a child and she did NOTHING until the police came to the school at 12:45pm. What if the child HAD been serious. I just don’t get it. I want to persue this, I want things to change. I think what if someone had recieved a phone call like this before the Columbine shooting. If they had reported it to the school and the school did nothing and 12 kids and a teacher were killed, THEY (the school) would have been responsible. What do I do now, how do I persue this problem, even though I feel the child is Probably not a threat, I still want something to change.

    Should I take it to the press? Is it too late? And even though the mother is nice, I think any mother would say “not MY kid” It does not mean the child is not capable of doing something crazy.

    I’m confused and Seth since you are a Lawyer what action can I take?

    Comment by steffielynn — December 12, 2007 @ 4:56 pm |Reply

  16. I’m a bankruptcy lawyer. And I’m located in Colorado. Not only would this be completely outside my subject area, but the laws and procedures of your state are probably quite different in many significant areas. I wouldn’t be competent to advise you legally on this. You’re better off sticking to non-legal common sense.

    I would suggest however, that the fact that the principal “was rude” to you is probably irrelevant to the question. Make sure that you aren’t allowing that detail to color your judgment about the other matters.

    Comment by Seth R. — December 12, 2007 @ 5:08 pm |Reply

  17. It HAS clouded my judgement, she made the situation worse rather then better. There are 2 seperate issues now. The Boy, and the school. I feel that the situation with the boy has been somewhat resolved. But the problem with the school has not. How are we supposed to see these warning signs, and then inform the school, and they can’t do anything and kids get hurt.

    Sandy (comment #13) is right, the schools here are A** backwards. This situation has opened my eyes, my kids are not safe. And now it has become my calling to do something about it! But how, that’s the question. If parents here knew what has occured they would be as concerned with the school as I am

    Comment by steffielynn — December 12, 2007 @ 5:19 pm |Reply

  18. Might make for a VERY interesting letter to the editor in your local newspaper. Money can’t buy the kind of bad publicity this would bring to the school, especially with all the shootings that have gone on lately. As long as you stick solely to the facts, they can’t really do anything to you for saying what truly happened.

    Comment by Brad — December 12, 2007 @ 6:58 pm |Reply

  19. Steffie, please let us know how this turns out.

    Comment by Ray — December 14, 2007 @ 3:14 am |Reply

  20. Stephie,
    It’s been awhile since I came to your blog. This is such a sad situation. I can’t believe children treat each other so badly. I will be praying for you and your daughter. If you know who the boy is can you call his parents and talk to them? Maybe play back the tape to them. If they are good parents at all that will stop this creep from bothering your daughter. I would also tell your daughter to inform a teacher if this slug ever bothers her at school (since that is the only place the principle can take control). She will probably feel pressure not to “tell” on him, but she has to do it.

    As a last resort I would take her out of that school and put her in another one. If this kid really is dangerous it’s not worth your daughter getting hurt. This story makes me so mad and if I didn’t know better I’d come to Nashville and smack this kid around a bit, but that’s better done by his parents:). But seriously I hope that daughter will be all right physically as well as emotionally. If this kid is bold enough to call your house and leave such a idiotic message he is probably doing the same thing at school. If not directly to your daughter’s face at least behind her back. Remember the most important thing is your daughters safety. If you feel she is in real danger take her out of there.

    Comment by Jay — December 14, 2007 @ 1:33 pm |Reply

  21. Thank you Jay,

    So I have an update! And it seems to be going in the right direction! My daughter came home yesterday and said the child was removed from her class. BUT they had a sub, so I don’t know if it permanent, or just for the day.

    Also The detectives working on this just left my house, they took my answering machine, ( i have a spare) and he said he will be making an appointment with the superintendent of schools. He said when he talked to the principal, she was rude and unhelpful, and he would be informing the superintendent of this. He said as policy she could not move either child, and could not get involved because it did not happen at school. He told her that this policy “sucked”! (his child is in the same school district so he is looking at this as a detective and a father) I’m so lucky that I got someone on this who gets it, AND has the power to change it!

    Wow, I am seriously UPSET with the school, and seriously HAPPY with the police! So hopefully this will change their “policies” and all the children here will be safer!

    I’ll keep ya’ll updated if more comes up!

    And thanks to you all for the support! This has been a good place for me to vent and try and work things out! 🙂

    Comment by steffielynn — December 14, 2007 @ 4:44 pm |Reply

  22. Shiz predicts that Steffie will make a guest appearance on Oprah to talk about her upcoming book deal on public school reform.

    I am Shiz

    Comment by Shiz — December 16, 2007 @ 6:56 am |Reply

  23. I’m so sorry you and your daughter have had to go through all of this. Did you say how old your daughter is? or did I miss that. Anyway, I’m glad things are starting to work out for your family. Sometimes these things take time (even though we don’t think we have much). Secondly, I have dropped into your blog a couple of times before but never commented, but this hit a nerve with me, and I thought I’d better leave a piece of my story with you. Last year my daughter (3rd grade, age 9) was ‘touched’ at school by an older student who was tutoring her class. She immediately told her teacher (prompted by a friend). The teacher who only had known her a couple of weeks by then, Immediately sent word to the principal who CONTACTED THE POLICE, grabbed the in school councelor, and took my daughter out of class. Now, this happened at school, during normal school hours. Thankfully, we had teachers, administrators, and councelors who all cared enough to help my daughter. We (my husband and I) even met with the superintendent. A word about the opposing parent’s side. At first, in our case, the mother (no father at home) insisted that her son would help and she would support the detectives. But it didn’t take long before we found out that it would all go to court and my daughter would have to testify with the boy in the same room. He was convicted.
    Now, the moral of the story is that my daughter is as unaffected as could possibly be from all of this. She is in every way, normal and outgoing. I 100% put the balance of her good mental health on the fact that we try our best to live Gospel Standards. We do not watch inappropriate TV or movies. We do not speak to each other in inappropriate ways. She is as close to innocent as a 9 year old can get. Although, she knew enough that she knew what he had done is wrong, and to tell some one. She also was able to speak to the detective, prosicuter, and judge in a clear and mature way. So— don’t give up – on yourself, your daughter or the process. There is some reason this happened to your daughter, and not anyone else. I believe that is true in my daughter’s case. Get a blessing for yourself, and don’t take the burden of this on yourself, either. My prayers to you, from one Mom to another.

    Comment by Louann — December 17, 2007 @ 5:24 am |Reply

  24. Louann,

    Thank you for commenting, I’m glad to hear that your daughter is in a good school! (also my daughter is 10)

    Shiz is ,hopefully, correct. Maybe not Oprah, but I plan on calling the local paper and news station. Parents need to know about these “policies” before something happens to one of our kids! I talked to a few parents from Kelsey’s class and they are going to back me up. They are almost as upset as I am!

    I seriously feel like I am in the ‘twilight zone’ it’s a weird feeling.

    Comment by steffielynn — December 17, 2007 @ 2:56 pm |Reply

  25. Steffie- do not, I repeat do NOT let the school make you think you cannot do anything about this.

    Unfortunately, the Principal is right in that it occured off school-grounds- it is out of their jurisdiction- but not out of your. I would continue to work with the police. Call the child’s parents and play the tape for them- keep the police involved.

    If a restraining order is issued, the school will then be liable, in a very legal and enforcable way, to keep this boy away from your child.

    Comment by tracy m — December 19, 2007 @ 12:01 am |Reply

  26. I tend to agree with the school principal. If it didn’t happen at school, it is a private matter, out of the jurisdiction of the school district. This is between you and the boy’s parents. It is too bad it happened, and I hope you feel safety again at school. Nowadays, the savages we are breeding in public schools do consider things like this as just jokes. They don’t have the moral character to recognize that such behavior is not a joking matter.

    Although I think the principal is correct in her assessment of the situation, I’m totally against public education. If you consider home schooling, I recommend the outstanding Robinson Curriculum. It requires but 15 minutes of parent involvement a day and produces well-educated children. The rest of your time can be spent playing with your child and teaching her to have character.

    Comment by LDS Anarchist — December 20, 2007 @ 12:05 pm |Reply

  27. Thanks

    I agree that the school can’t do much, but the only time this boy is with my child is in class at school. So I do feel the school should help with the situation. My biggest issue was how rude and hateful the Principal was. I think if she would have shown a tiny bit of concern, it would have helped! I was devastated that this could happen to my little girl, I was acting as a concerned mom, and I deserved to be treated nicely by the principal!

    I’ve been considering home school, but my husband is totally against it. But i’ll check out the link! Thanks 🙂

    Comment by steffielynn — December 20, 2007 @ 3:39 pm |Reply


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